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Mastering Influence as Your Superpower



In our rapidly evolving world, mastering the art of influence equips you to adeptly navigate social dynamics, inspire action, and achieve success in your endeavors—whether professional, personal or within your community. Dr. Robert Cialdini's seminal book, Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, serves as a Master Class in this field. His work elucidates the proven power of principles such as reciprocity, social proof, scarcity, liking, authority, unity, and commitment & consistency. However, I have discovered several other lesser-known strategies that are equally effective. 


  • Balance Warmth and Competence. Professor Vanessa Van Edwards's research highlights the importance of balancing warmth and competence to enhance persuasiveness, particularly for women, who are often perceived as embodying one or the other. When leading in the workplace, it is crucial to first connect by showing genuine interest in others, and then guide them forward. This approach not only enhances your persuasiveness but also fosters more meaningful relationships. Vanessa advises using inclusive language and gestures to foster connection. For example, being open, maintaining eye contact, reducing physical distance when possible, and showing your hands during Zoom calls to appear more open and trustworthy. Additionally, incorporating phrases like "let’s collaborate" or "sending you a big hug" helps build rapport.


  • Provide a Glimpse of Vulnerability. Demonstrating vulnerability helps people connect with you on a more personal level, increasing their receptiveness to your influence. This is particularly crucial for leaders who are often perceived as tough or difficult. When such leaders show a glimpse of vulnerability, they become more endearing to others, revealing their humanity which might otherwise be concealed. This can be as simple as admitting, "I don't understand how to use AI. Can you help me?" or sharing a story about a recent failure or a challenging health situation.


  • Steering Energy. One of the subtle tools of influencing others lies in how you internally frame and perceive them. To effectively guide the energy of those around you, choose an internal pet name that aligns with your desired approach. For instance, when facing an intimidating individual, mentally refer to them as "kitten" or "cutie pie", or picturing them as a toddler. This diminishes their perceived threat, enabling you to better manage their behavior. Consciously altering your internal dialogue in this way, transforms your perception of others, and enables you to influence their energy and behavior with greater finesse and effectiveness.


  • Know Your Audience and Coelevate With Them. Understanding your audience is crucial for effective influence. Consider their personality, goals, and decision-making style. By focusing on their interests and motivations, you can present a compelling case from their perspective. Anticipate their needs and potential objections, and tailor your approach to align with their interests and communication style. This alignment fosters trust and collaboration, making your influence more impactful and enduring. Take this further by adopting a strategy that harmonizes the interests of all parties involved. Championing an inclusive, non-competitive mindset, as advocated by Keith Ferrazzi, involves striving for collective success rather than adhering to a zero-sum mentality. Frame your requests in terms of mutual objectives to create an environment where shared goals are prioritized, ensuring success for everyone involved.

  • Practice the Platinum Rule. The Platinum Rule offers a more nuanced approach compared to the Golden Rule. While the Golden Rule suggests treating others as you would like to be treated, it overlooks the fact that people have diverse values, goals, and perspectives. In contrast, the Platinum Rule advocates treating others as they would like to be treated. This approach requires radical empathy to understand their preferences and needs. However, by acknowledging and respecting their unique desires, the Platinum Rule is more effective in gaining cooperation because it makes them feel truly seen and valued.

  • Leverage Their Identity. Taking this further, it’s important to understand that human beings have an innate tendency to perceive themselves according to their established self-image or identity. For instance, if a person views themselves as a failure, excessive praise can lead to resentment and disengagement because they feel misunderstood. This concept is explored in Maxwell Maltz’s book, Psycho-Cybernetics. As a plastic surgeon turned psychologist, Maltz observed that many of his patients continued to see themselves in a certain way, despite drastic changes in their physical appearance. To influence others effectively, it is crucial to understand, honor, and validate their self-image. And to strengthen this connection, highlight how the actions you want them to take align with their self-image.

  • Ask Them For a Favor. Drawing from Robert Cialdini’s commitment and consistency principle, individuals often develop positive feelings toward someone after doing them a favor, a phenomenon known as the "Ben Franklin effect." Franklin famously transformed a political adversary into a friend by asking to borrow a rare book from his collection. Flattered by the request, the rival complied. When Franklin returned the book with a note of thanks, the former adversary became an ally. This effect occurs because people rationalize their actions to themselves, concluding that they must have helped because they like the person.

  • Learn the Art of Reading the Room. Mastering the ability to read the room is crucial in any social or professional setting. This skill goes beyond merely listening to spoken words; it involves attuning yourself to the subtleties and underlying dynamics to grasp what is not being said. Recognizing the emotional undercurrents—whether people are motivated by fear, hope, pride, or insecurity—enables you to address their true concerns and aspirations. By closely observing body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice, you can uncover insights often concealed by words. Notice who occupies expansive, power positions, who is actively engaged versus withdrawn, and look for signs of agreement or dissent, interest or boredom. These observations provide valuable clues about the room’s dynamics. Equally important is understanding the context and relationships within the group. Identifying who holds power, who is seeking attention, and who subtly influences others can help you navigate the social landscape effectively. 

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